we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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