I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
