I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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