I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
