I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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