I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
