He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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