Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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