omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
foreskin is a definite game changer
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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