You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize