There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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