i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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