I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
