Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
