Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
