I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
