Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
