what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
