Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize