Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
