i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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