You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
