I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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