so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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