I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
