dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I need to align my fucking chakras
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
