I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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