That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
