trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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