he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
