dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
