I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
