I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Randomize