So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
