watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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