btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
