last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
