the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
