I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You can't just leave with hair like that
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
