I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
