i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
