i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
