You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
