ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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