They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
