Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
