Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
