You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
