2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
