I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
