Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
