i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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