i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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