??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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