I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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