yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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