I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
