oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
