Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
