I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
pray to the hookup gods
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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