The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
