There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
