the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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