It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
