I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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