We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
