why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
