My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
soo... how was my night?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize