he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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