he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
