I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
