How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
