Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
