you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
