another moral hangover. fuck.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The adults are the big ones right?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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