I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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