i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
