oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
