she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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