They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
