is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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