Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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