I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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