I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
it's like iHOP with fire
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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