just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
