I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
