You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize