I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
