That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
