I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize