Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She bit a glass in half.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
