I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize