she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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