Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
