party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
im having a threesome with these popsicles
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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