while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
