I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
