im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
