Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
