i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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