my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
