i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
