1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
