What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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