I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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