Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
